Joke Thread

hestia
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Joke Thread Feb 15, 2018 15:00:53 GMT hera likes this

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Post by hestia on Feb 15, 2018 15:00:53 GMT

A priest tells another priest that he had his bicycle stolen.
“Good Heavens”, said the other priest, “have you reported this to the Police?
“Oh gracious no, I do not have any witnesses” says the priest.
The other priests suggests: “Recite the 10 commandments to your Sunday congregation and the one who blushes red when you quote 8: ‘You shall not steal’ shall reveal the guilty culprit.

On Monday both priests meet again.
The other priest asks the priest did his idea work?
The priest tells the other priest that he only got to reciting 7: “You shall not commit adultery.” I suddenly remembered where I left my bike.
[rofl]

We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.

gobniu Global Moderator Posts: 55 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Dec 4, 2021 14:40:50 GMT bastet likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by gobniu on Dec 4, 2021 14:40:50 GMT Did you hear about the Italian chef who died recently? SPOILER: Click to show {Click here to show/hide}He Pasta way.
	We are in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.

kastor Global Moderator Posts: 54 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Dec 4, 2021 14:48:06 GMT brigit likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by kastor on Dec 4, 2021 14:48:06 GMT Barman asks Paddy: "Your glass is empty, fancy another one?" SPOILER: Click to show {Click here to show/hide}Paddy looking puzzled, asks: "Why the hell do I want two empty glasses?"
	Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves.

hera Global Moderator Posts: 55 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Dec 5, 2021 10:25:09 GMT hestia likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by hera on Dec 5, 2021 10:25:09 GMT How do you confuse a male archeologist? SPOILER: Click to show {Click here to show/hide}Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from!
	Love is the difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real.

demeter Global Moderator Posts: 54 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Dec 7, 2021 11:11:18 GMT cernunnos likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by demeter on Dec 7, 2021 11:11:18 GMT What does a midget get when he runs between a woman's legs? SPOILER: Click to show {Click here to show/hide}A clit around his ear and a flap across his face.
	Even a small star shines in the darkness.

sekhmet Global Moderator Posts: 53 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Dec 8, 2021 11:24:05 GMT taranis likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by sekhmet on Dec 8, 2021 11:24:05 GMT This simpleton walks into a pet shop and asks: "I like to buy a wasp please?" The shopkeeper said: "Sorry, we don't sell wasps". This simpleton said: "Oh yes you do, you've got two in your window".
	One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.

morrigan Global Moderator Posts: 58 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Dec 8, 2021 17:21:52 GMT ogmios likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by morrigan on Dec 8, 2021 17:21:52 GMT How do you get a nun pregnant? SPOILER: Click to show {Click here to show/hide}Dress her up as an altar boy!
	The greatest magick is that which transforms the heart.

freya Administrator Posts: 92 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Dec 9, 2021 19:01:44 GMT aidan likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by freya on Dec 9, 2021 19:01:44 GMT What did the bowling pins do? SPOILER: Click to show {Click here to show/hide}They went on strike.
	Love is always creative and fear is always destructive.

rhea Global Moderator Posts: 55 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Dec 10, 2021 11:42:39 GMT tefnut likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by rhea on Dec 10, 2021 11:42:39 GMT What do you call a truck load of vibrators? SPOILER: Click to show {Click here to show/hide}Toys for Twats.
	Don't dwell on reality; it will only keep you from greatness.

sciath Global Moderator Posts: 55 Rank: Member	Joke Thread Dec 10, 2021 11:47:07 GMT cayden likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by sciath on Dec 10, 2021 11:47:07 GMT What does a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? SPOILER: Click to show {Click here to show/hide}Their balls are just for decoration.
	Very few of us are what we seem.

gwilym Global Moderator Posts: 47 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Dec 15, 2021 10:51:12 GMT danu likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by gwilym on Dec 15, 2021 10:51:12 GMT I start a new job in Seoul next week. SPOILER: Click to show {Click here to show/hide}I thought this was a good Korea move.
	Without perseverance talent is a barren bed.

fionnula
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Joke Thread Jun 8, 2022 12:07:04 GMT lughnasadh likes this

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Post by fionnula on Jun 8, 2022 12:07:04 GMT

A spoiled rich teen aged girl pushes her BMW motorcar into a service station.

She tells the mechanic,"It died."
After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
She says: "What's the story?"
He replies: "Just krap in the carburettor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?"

I'm straight like spaghetti until heated.

fionnula Global Moderator Posts: 49 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Jun 15, 2022 15:14:02 GMT lughnasadh likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by fionnula on Jun 15, 2022 15:14:02 GMT
	I'm straight like spaghetti until heated.

danu Global Moderator Posts: 49 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Sept 9, 2022 12:04:27 GMT gwilym likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by danu on Sept 9, 2022 12:04:27 GMT The inventor of throat lozengers died. SPOILER: Click to show {Click here to show/hide}They'll be no coffin' at his funeral.
	When nothing is sure, everything is possible.

lughnasadh Global Moderator Posts: 48 Rank: Member Friend	Joke Thread Sept 9, 2022 12:47:49 GMT fionnula likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by lughnasadh on Sept 9, 2022 12:47:49 GMT "Doctor, I can't pronounce my f's, t's and h's". "Well you can't say fairer than that then".
	Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.